


Scared

by artikgato



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hugs, hand holding, the souyo is there if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-19
Updated: 2016-08-19
Packaged: 2018-08-09 16:02:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7808236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artikgato/pseuds/artikgato
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You...you remember my Shadow, right? How all it had to say to me was how boring Inaba is, how the only reason I went into the other world was for a little excitement? Well...it wasn't wrong, Partner."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scared

**Author's Note:**

> At a convention I went to recently, someone said that Yosuke is "even scarier than Adachi" because he's your friend and you'd want to defend him, and I mean, they aren't exactly wrong but that was the entire point of Yosuke's Shadow! And I'll be the first to admit that I identify with Yosuke a lot, so this kind of shook me up a lot, scared me a little, and really, really hurt. I always want to defend Yosuke when people call him /actual/ garbage and don't mean it in the endearing way that I do, but I can never defend him in a way that doesn't make me get emotional and prove their point. 
> 
> So anyway, instead of confronting them about it in any way, I came home and wrote a fic instead. Because, sadly, there was a whole lot of potential in Yosuke's story arc and very little payoff, because Atlus chickened out at the last second and decided that instead of writing him overcoming is issues and accepting the fact that he is very clearly not 100% straight with the planned romance route, they just left him hanging there (and, worse, actively reversed some of his character development in later games by still having him teasing Kanji). And I can talk until I'm blue in the face about how much potential there was, but it just isn't actually there. So all I can really say is "well, people change. I was like Yosuke back in high school, now I'm how I am. I'd like to think he grew up and got better". 
> 
> So anyway, have a fanfic written in present tense from Souji's perspective, for some reason?

It's three weeks before Souji is set to leave Inaba when he finally gets a text from Yosuke that he has been expecting - not necessarily looking forward to, but expecting.

>can u meet me @ the riverbank if ur not busy partner

Souji does, in fact, have plans for tonight, he was going to hang out with Chie and then later cook for Nanako, but this is important. Yosuke has been acting distant for a little while now, and Souji knows by now that if he qualifies things with 'if you aren't busy' it means he really needs to talk but feels like he doesn't deserve it. Yosuke is anxious and self-deprecating in that way, and Souji doesn't ever call him out on it even though he really wants to. He wants to tell him not to say things like that, not to apologize - not to think so little of himself. So he sends a quick text to Chie, apologizing for having to cancel, and leaves a note for Nanako, telling her that if he isn't back by sunset that there are some leftovers in the freezer. He grabs a coat, because while it's warm now he knows it'll be chilly later, and heads out for the river.

Souji can tell that something is seriously wrong when Yosuke doesn't return his greeting or even look at him when he sits down next to him on the riverbank. He's staring out at the river, chin resting on the tops of folded knees and arms folded around them. Yosuke sighs, eyes closing in a pained look, but doesn't say anything yet, like he's working up the courage to say something. Souji doesn't know exactly what this conversation will be about, but it looks a little more serious than what he had originally thought it would be. Hesitantly, slowly, he puts a hand on Yosuke's shoulder, and that startles him a bit, makes him jump and gasp in a breath, before relaxing and letting it out again. He unfolds his arms and stretches out his legs, but he still doesn't look at Souji.

"I'm scared, Partner," he finally says, his voice small and so quiet Souji almost can't hear it over the river.

"Scared?" Souji asks. He debates it for a second, but ultimately decides to move his hand off of Yosuke's shoulder, not wanting to make him uncomfortable. "Of what?" he prompts, after a few too many seconds of silence. Yosuke squeezes his eyes shut, swallowing, adam's apple bobbing.

"Of myself," he finally says, and there is such pain and self-loathing in those two words that Souji has to bite his own lip, clench his hands into the grass to keep from throwing his arms around the boy next to him. Yosuke swallows again, a few more times, before opening his eyes. "You...you remember my Shadow, right? How all it had to say to me was how boring Inaba is, how the only reason I went into the other world was for a little excitement? Well...it wasn't wrong, Partner." Souji stays silent, watches as his best friend draws a shuddering breath to continue. "Ever since we stopped Adachi, everything's been normal. It's been nice and all, but...but boring. I know I should be happy that people aren't being thrown into the TV world any more, their lives aren't at risk any more, but I...but...dammit..." Yosuke has to stop again, take another deep breath. He looks down at his hands now, as if he can't even bring himself to look at the river.

"I'm scared because...because I have this power, the same power that Adachi had, and it's so boring now, and all I'd have to do is just...push somebody...and everything would get exciting again," he continues. He draws his knees up again and rests his forehead on them, and Souji tries to pretend that he doesn't see the tears leaking out of his tightly shut eyes or hear the tightness in his throat. "I'm...I'm even scarier than Adachi, aren't I? Because I know if I did do something like that, all of you guys would try to say that there's no way it was _me_ , right? I'm your friend, I'm not that kinda guy, you'd say things like that-"

"Yosuke," Souji finally says, cutting off his rant with a strong voice, not loud or sharp but the voice he uses in the TV world, his 'leader' voice. It _does_ make Yosuke stop and look up at him, startled and hurt and...afraid. It's not a look that Souji likes seeing on him. This time Souji has to swallow past a lump of emotion in his throat. "Yosuke..." he says again, softer and quieter, now, "You _aren't_ that kind of guy. The fact that you're here _talking_ _to me_ about it proves that."

"I-" Yosuke tries to protest, but Souji finally gives in and reaches over to put a hand back on his shoulder, squeezing firmly.

"And even if you _did_ do something like that, you wouldn't sit there and gloat like Adachi did. You'd realize your mistake, you'd jump right into the TV after them and try to save them. And you'd have all of us to back you up," Souji insists. "You told me once that if I ever lost my way, you'd knock some sense into me. You must know I'd do the same for you, right?"

"But what about when you're not here?!" Yosuke finally replies and, ah, there it is, the conversation that Souji _was_ actually prepared to have. He smiles, a little bitterly.

"Yosuke..." he murmurs, but Yosuke isn't looking at him any more, he's back to looking down at his hands.

"If things are boring now, they're going to be unbearable when you're back in the city, you know? I...I don't want you to go, but I know you have to, and I just...I just..." now Yosuke is crying again. Without stopping to think about it, Souji pulls him into a hug. Yosuke flinches.

"D-didn't I already say this is for girls?" he protests, but Souji just makes a gentle shushing noise and starts gently running his hand up and down Yosuke's back, calming. Yosuke trembles for a few seconds before letting out a small sigh and wrapping his arms around Souji, burying his face in his shoulder.

"You know, I'm not really looking forward to leaving," Souji eventually says. Yosuke makes a noise against his shoulder to let him know that he's listening, so he continues. "I never expected to become so close to anyone in the year I was here, least of all so many people. But it wouldn't be fair to my parents to ask them to let me stay. I have to go."

"Y-yeah," Yosuke chokes, his arms getting a little tighter around Souji.

"And even if I'm not here, one of the others will be there to keep you in line, if you ask them to. If not me, then there will be Chie, or Kanji, or even Teddie," Souji adds. When Yosuke doesn't respond, Souji squeezes him a little harder. "You're a good person, Yosuke. Don't ever forget that." When Yosuke lets out a bitter chuckle in response, Souji draws away, frowning. Yosuke shakes his head.

"I'm really not," he says, staring down at his hands. "I'm...I'm not. I'm just garbage. The only reason anyone puts up with me is because of the murders, you know? My Persona wasn't even that useful compared to everyone else's, but an extra person in a fight is an extra person. Once you're gone I'm sure nobody but Teddie will want to have anything to do with me..."

"That's not true," Souji interrupts, voice full of conviction, but Yosuke just shakes his head.

"The only reason anyone puts up with me now is because I decided I wanted to be friends and you went along with it for some reason...and then it was convenient, because of the Personas," Yosuke says. Souji has to bite the inside of his mouth to not immediately bark out a 'you're wrong, stupid!'. He takes a deep breath and reaches out, putting a hand on each shoulder.

"Yosuke," he says. Yosuke stubbornly refuses to meet his eyes. "Look at me, please?" Yosuke swallows but slowly lifts his eyes to look at Souji, hurt and trembling and looking like a deer caught in headlights. "You're wrong, idiot."

"...what?" Yosuke asks, too thrown off-guard by the way Souji said it, as an endearment rather than an insult, to deny him.

"You know friendship is a two-way street, right? If I hadn't wanted to be your friend back then, I wouldn't have. If the others hadn't wanted to be your friend, they wouldn't be. And you are far from 'garbage', okay? You're the glue that holds this team together," Souji explains.

"What? No I'm not. _You're_ the leader," Yosuke points out, frowning up at him. "Stop lying to make me feel better."

"I'm not," Souji sighs. "I may be the one making the decisions, but without your support I wouldn't have gotten _anywhere_. Because you've always believed in me, the others did too."

"We almost threw Namatame into the TV because of me," Yosuke points out. Souji nods.

"But you trusted me enough not to go against me and do it anyway," Souji rebuts. Yosuke shuts his mouth on whatever his next statement was going to be, and Souji presses on. "You were always there for me, pulling me up when I got knocked down, taking hits for me, always cheering me on...I don't think I could have saved _anybody_ without your help."

"C'mon," Yosuke protests, looking away again. Souji spots a little redness on his cheeks, and it fills him with such warm affection that he reaches out and pulls him back into another hug before he can stop himself. Yosuke yelps, clearly caught off-guard, and flails a little.

"You are a good person," Souji insists. "Don't ever let yourself think otherwise. If your brain is telling you that you aren't, don't listen to it. If it's saying that your friends are only your friends because of pity, it's lying."

"...okay," Yosuke finally agrees, and lets himself relax into the hug. "Okay."

"You're my best friend, Yosuke. No amount of distance is going to change that," Souji continues, and even though he really tries not to, his words get a little choked up near the end.

"S-same to you, Partner," Yosuke replies. They stay like that for a long time, Souji enjoying the warmth and weight of the boy in his arms. When they finally separate Yosuke is blushing, but his expression has relaxed, the anxiety and pain that had been plaguing him gone from his expression. It was still warm but there was a hint of chill in the air, and the sun would be setting soon.

"Let's stay out here for a while," Souji finds himself saying. Yosuke nods, and Souji falls back against the grass with a smile, looking up at the clouds. Yosuke follows him, and Souji scoots a little closer to him, hesitating for a second before boldly reaching over and grabbing his hand. Yosuke blushes and looks away, but squeezes back and makes no move to take back his hand. They end up pointing out clouds as they drift overhead, then shifting over to pointing out constellations after the sunset shifts into night. They're both cold and hungry and tired, but neither wants to move. Eventually, long past midnight, they decide they have to get up and leave. It's one of the memories that will stick with Souji most vividly long after he's left Inaba, and though he can't say for certain, he suspects it's the same for Yosuke, too.


End file.
